As most businesses have now re-opened and we have started to return to a somewhat more normal day-to-day life, I think it is important for us to understand that the recent state of the world has brought each person unique struggles or circumstances to overcome.
So how can we create a shift, how can we make a difference?
The answer is simple…
BE KIND
Ask yourself how can you listen to understand, rather than listen to respond?
How can you show up for yourself and others with gratitude, empathy, and an open heart?
How can you turn your struggles into opportunities?
……………
This week my offer to you is a longer yin yoga practice to bring in more compassion for yourself and your bodies through slow surrender and gentle movement.
Check out the video below for the 75 minute class, and continue reading for ideas on how you can find more peace and compassionate in your everyday life.
For a quicker read, you can follow the bold writing.
“The Four Agreements”For this weeks newsletter I want to suggest we take some advice from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book - The Four Agreements – to find ways we can be more compassionate to ourselves and the world around us…
For those of you who have read and loved this book, as I have:
This newsletter will be a gentle reminder of its lessons and how we can use them to lead a more compassionate life.
For those of you who haven’t read, or heard of, this book:
I strongly suggest getting yourself a copy as it creates an incredible guideline for living more peacefully in the world. However, this newsletter will give you a small dive into some of the principles discussed and ways in which you can apply them in your own life.
1. “Be Impeccable with your Word”Compassion starts with us, and the way in which we speak to ourselves.
We’ve all been told things in our lives that have made us doubt ourselves in one way or another. Maybe you were bullied in school, made fun of, told you weren’t good enough, told that you had to change if you wanted to fit in, or worse.
These actions may have lead to a negative view of yourself in relation to the world around you. But the truth is, after those moments pass, we are the ones who decide whether that story sticks with us or not.
The stories we choose to adopt and repeat as our truth are the ones that create our reality. The beauty of the magic of our words, is that we hold the power to change the stories that we tell ourselves, and thus, change our reality.
“Like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you.” (Ruiz, p.26)
Our words shape us. So lets shift from words of judgement to words of admiration and inspiration.
Lets use our words to create a more beautiful reality, rather than tear ourselves down.
Because when we deplete ourselves and continue to drive in the negative stories we’ve heard over time, we are doing ourselves, and others, a disservice.
Speak kind words to yourself so you can be genuinely kind to others.
2. “Don’t take anything personally”Always remember: Hurt people hurt people.
The way that others treat you is not a reflection of who you are, but rather a reflection of them.
When we approach our daily interactions from this headspace, we can approach people with more compassion. Rather than react, lash out, or get upset, approach unpleasant interactions from a deeper knowing that the person causing the hurt likely has some deeper seated pain, turmoil, trauma, or hardships that they have not worked through, whether they are aware of them or not.
When we respond with kindness it releases us from wasted time spent ruminating, getting caught in negative thought loops, or prolonged stress or pain. And many times, responding with compassion will leave the one inflicting the hurt to reflect upon, and reconsider, their actions and treatment of others.
So rather than take on that residual gunk left from someone else’s mess, be kind, brush it off, and let it go.
3. “Don’t make assumptions”Remember the old saying that to assume makes a certain something our of you and me?…
The problem with assuming is that we tend to use our own negative stories to create additional supporting stories out of thin air.
For example, if a stranger looks at us funny it may cause us to spiral into our negative thought loops, thinking they are looking right through us and confirming all of our insecurities. Or we will label that person as rude or a jerk from a misguided place. Or we may even react from a negative space and return the look or make a remark to that person, causing an unpleasant interaction and resulting in us not being impeccable with our word.
Maybe the person did intent to look at you funny… If so, remember, that’s a reflection of them, not you.
Or maybe in that moment they smelled, remembered, or thought of something that made them uncomfortable or made them feel pain. Or perhaps they were playing out their own insecurity thought loop.
Regardless of the circumstance, we have the choice to let go of our assumptions around the situation in order to maintain peace in our day and not inflict any undue harm or stress to our own self or the passerby.
But what about the assumptions we make about the people we love, and are close to?
We know them well enough to know they are true right?… WRONG
Maybe your significant other has a certain tone with you today, and you start to assume that they are trying to passive aggressively nit pick at your insecurities, sending you into that negative thought spiral and potentially causing an emotionally fueled argument.
Lets dissect this situation:
If you take a moment to discard the assumptions, and not take it personally, you may realize their tone is from a rough day they haven’t told you about or a frustration situation they are dealing with that has nothing to do with you. Or maybe their tone is coming from a space of concern or is stemming from their own insecurities.
When we discard the assumptions, we can approach the situation from a desire to understand rather than the assumption that we are being personally attacked. As a result we can approach it from a space of compassion rather than judgement. And compassion may be just what they need in that moment.
When “we make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking – we take it personally – then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word… Because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions; then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong.” (Ruiz, p. 63-4)
Another example that is all to common to relationships we hold, is the assumption that our closest friends, roommates, siblings, children, parents, or significant other can read our minds, or know what we want or need. We build expectations for those close to us based on an assumption that they know us so well that we shouldn’t have to ask for, or tell them, the actions we do or don’t want or need from them.
It can be as simple as keeping the living room tidy, or washing the dishes, or it can be more complex ways in which you need or want them to show up in your life. When these assumptions, and expectations built around them, are not met, we feel hurt. We assume they did or didn’t do something on purpose to prove a point or to cause us pain.
Rather than assume, and take things personally, try to communicate with compassion, be impeccable with your word, and have the courage to ask questions in the face of uncertainty.
Seek to understand, not to assume or to react.
Let go of assumptions, don’t take things personally, and be impeccable with your word as it will allow you to lead a more compassionate and peaceful life.
4. “Always do your best”This one is pretty straight forward, but what it implies can be misconstrued.
Doing your best doesn’t mean always overdoing it by pushing yourself past your limits and beyond what you have the energy for, but rather it means doing what you can each day.
If you do beyond your best everyday, it can lead to burnout, which in turn, means your best will decline.
And on the opposite end of the scale, when we don’t make even the smallest effort to do our best, we may result to judgement of self or feelings of guilt, which will make it difficult to be impeccable with our word and be kind to ourselves.
“Your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good… regardless of the quality, keep doing your best – no more and no less.” (Ruiz, p. 75-6)
When forming new habits or adopting new agreements in your life, know that it takes time and practice.
So do your best to implement these agreements everyday to lead a more compassionate life, but know there may be days where it is too difficult, and that is okay, just do what you can.
Do your best without expectations and take kind actions without needing reward, for the more you do your best, the easier it becomes, and the more you will find peace, enjoyment, and freedom in life.
Looking for essential oils to bring more compassion into your life?
Here are my suggestions and go-to oils:
- Lavender
- Rose
- Ylang Ylang
- Neroli
- Sweet Marjoram
- Litsea Cubeba (May Chang)
- Geranium (or rose-geranium)
Feel free to reach out to me (Natalie) at Natalie@HarmonizingCare.com if you have any questions about these, or any other oils, and I will be more than happy to provide some insight.